Grampa's Faith

"Who's that blonde woman sitting next to your Aunt Shirley?"

In a room that saw anywhere from 125-175 people over the course of the day and knowing that my family is larger than I could ever put my head around, I looked at this small blonde woman in the black raincoat sitting with her legs crossed on the other side of the room. She looked sad and respectful, occasionally glancing over at Grampa.

"I have no idea... but, there's a better than 90% chance I'm related to her. I'll ask my mom, she'll probably know."

A few minutes later my mom came over to where we were sitting. "Who's that blonde woman sitting next to Aunt Shirley?"

This meant I was not related to her, but I could tell from the way that she was sitting and the way she kept looking at Grampa that she definitely played some sort of important role in his life. My mom walked over to her and introduced herself with a smile; a trait she definitely got from Grampa. I watched as the woman stood up and spoke to my mom, holding her hands as she explained her relationship to him. At the end of the conversation, my mom gave her a big hug and left the room.

I went after her, because she was crying.

"Mom, what happened? Are you OK? Who is that woman?"

"She's some sort of minister. For the last three years she has found Grampa on Sundays when he can't be at church and made sure he received Communion. She visited him in rehab, and in the hospital, and always made sure he received."

This small blonde woman with the respectful smile and the black raincoat was my Grampa's Eucharistic Minister.

I thought back to one of my early visits with him at Greenbriar (the rehab facility he most often went to in order to get his strength back). On the wall I saw that they had Mass on Tuesdays rather than Sundays. I brought this up to Grampa, and he expressed his frustration that the rehab had no way to serve Communion on Sunday. This was very important to him... and God responded by sending him someone who would serve him each week. This small blonde woman in the black raincoat was indeed a very important person to Grampa.

When I think about Grampa, I think about a lot of things. I think about french toast and baseball and puzzles and coffee and good books and a big happy smile. But... I also think about his faith. This was a man who carried his rosary with him to every hospital visit, every surgery, every recovery in the rehab. A man who shed a tear when he heard the song "Amazing Grace". A man who lived and breathed Christ's love through his love of his family and his work through the Knights of Columbus. A man who when he found out that I had come to Christ wanted to see the program from my church, and who was more excited than my other family members when he found out we were running a youth group. "That's very, very important," he told us.

I haven't cried much this week. I thought and prayed about it this week because I find it strange that I'm NOT crying.

Then I realized...

I'll miss Grampa terribly. He was a cornerstone of our family and taught us what family meant. He was an amazing person.

But he was strong in his faith in Christ. Grampa is at peace now, and has taken his place in God's Kingdom. I'll see him again, not for a long time, but I'll see him again in Heaven.

And there is an amazing comfort in that.

Muchas Gracias

In the past on Thanksgiving, I've done the cliché list of things that I'm thankful for. I could most certainly do the same thing this year, but I realized as I started to write out a list that it all boils down to basically the same thing.

I am thankful for the things that God has given me.

When I say that, I don't just mean "things". Sure, I'm thankful that we have the means to have a roof over our heads, good clothing, plenty of food for ourselves and to have people over to eat with us, etc. etc. etc. When I say I'm thankful for the things that God has given me, I'm also speaking about much more than that.

I thank God for my family who has been continuously loving and supportive, even when I may have fallen short of the daughter/sister/cousin/granddaughter that I could be. I am humbled by their unconditional grace and love each and every day.

I thank God each morning for a wonderful husband who sees my every - yes EVERY - one of my ups and downs. Yet still he is here with me day in and day out. I thank God for helping us to endure the bumps of the first years. In the last couple of months we've had so many "a-ha" moments about navigating marriage and we're starting to see the growth both together and individually come out of those moments. I'm thankful for the excitement that stirs in my heart each time I see him or hear his voice, because I know in that moment of heart palpitation that we love each other. I thank God for our most fun and silly and awesome moments together as husband and wife.

I thank God for Steve... period.

I thank God for the ability to love. I thank God for our marriage.

I thank God for the friendships I've had in my life and that I will have as I continue on. Those that have endured have helped me to learn what it takes to have patience and love together through the ups and downs of life, and those that have faded have helped me to see where I fall short as a friend to others. I have learned and tried to grow in those times... and I have also learned the grace of God in those moments, as well as the strength of forgiveness.

I thank God for the people He's brought in and out of my life.

I thank God for the small things of beauty that surround us. A child's smile, the giddy laughter of high school students, gerbera daisies, leaves falling around my car as I drive under a tree, apples, a couple holding hands, notes of music drifting through the air... the list is endless...

I thank God for the opportunities he has given me to serve him in any number of ways. Be that large growth opportunities in my career or life-changing opportunities at church, I've begun to develop a desire to go all "Dead Poet's Society" on these opportunities as they arise. Figure out what God is calling me to do, reflect on it in prayer and move down the path with an eagerness to grow.

Mostly... the biggest thing I have to give thanks for this year is the relationship I've grown to have with God over the last year, but especially the last 6 months or so. I've gotten such a different perspective on life since I began to follow Christ, and I am so grateful and humbled by the events of the last year or so. I have grown to see His hand in everything, and I look forward to what the next year (and years) will have in store.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone.

40 Days

"Lent, in most Christian denominations, is the forty-day liturgical season of fasting and prayer before Easter. The forty days represent the time Jesus spent in the desert, where, according to the Bible, he endured temptation by Satan."

"Many modern Protestants consider the observation of Lent to be a choice, rather than an obligation. They may decide to give up a favorite food or drink (e.g. chocolate, alcohol) or activity (e.g. going to the movies, playing video games) for Lent, or they may instead decide to take on a Lenten discipline such as devotions, volunteering for charity work, and so forth.... "

- Wikipedia article on Lent

For as long as I can remember, every year at the beginning of Lent I make the decision to sacrifice or fast something as an act of worship to God. Every time I haven given something up for the 40 days of Lent, I always try to make it a true sacrifice. For example, last year I gave up peanut butter which is a big deal for me because I LOVE peanut butter. It was very hard for me to refrain but I always brought to the front of my mind why I wasn't eating peanut butter and said a quick prayer thanking God for the gift of salvation through Christ that He has given us.

The act of giving something up for Lent is a voluntary one. Because I don't practice regular fasting for health reasons, I put my fasting effort into these 40 days of sacrifice and try really really hard to not give in to the temptation to fall. I always try to pick something that I know will offer that temptation; if it doesn't offer that kind of a temptation - it isn't really a sacrifice to me.

The other thing that's really cool for me about giving something up for Lent is that my mom - who grew up Irish Catholic - always sacrifices something every year too. This gives us both a built-in support system to keep each other on track and make sure that we're standing by our sacrifice and not giving in to temptation. It also gives us both a means for constant encouragement along the way, and someone to process with once Easter is over.

This year I have decided to give up chocolate again. I gave up chocolate one year while I was in college but my heart and faith were not in it as much as they are now. Chocolate offers a ton of temptation in a lot of different areas, so I think that this is the right choice for me this year for a sacrifice because I know it will be a difficult one. (Side note: after I decided chocolate was definitely going to be the sacrifice, I realized that last night I had a brownie covered in Rocky Road ice cream. Talk about an unintentional personal Mardi Gras).

Another thing that I've noticed about myself is that I don't spend nearly enough time with God through prayer nor do I spend enough time with God's word on a regular basis as I should. I have decided that I am going to take these 40 days of Lent to work to remedy that. I'm going to work to spend time daily praying and reflecting on God's word. My thought is what a better time to revisit and retrain my spiritual habits than the days leading up to Easter and the celebration of the Ressurection.

And so begins my 40-Day journey to strengthen my faith and relationship with Christ. This is the first Lent/Easter I'll be celebrating since my adult Baptism, and so I feel more... drawn to the sacrifice this year. This brief journey should prove to be an interesting one (in a good way).


For more information on Lent: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lent

Finding God in Fitness

Back in August I came to a realization. I realized that even though I wasn't "unhappy" with my health, that it could stand to be a lot better. I'm overweight, and I was decidedly unhappy with how I looked in some of our better wedding pictures. I thought about the future and any potential children and decided that I didn't want to be that mom who couldn't really move around the yard to play a game of tag or football or something.

I talked to my doctor and we agreed that I needed to start exercising. Not only would it help me to lose weight but it would help to keep my cholesterol and blood sugar in a healthy range as well. So start exercising I did. I got up every morning faithfully and walked at a good pace for at least a mile, eventually increasing it to about a mile and a half every day. I tried to vary my route so that I would not get bored with it. I made sure to include as much uphill incline as I could with minimal decline to help increase my cardio-vascular capacity. I kept this up for about 2 months, and by the end of September mostly by exercising alone I was already acheiving a few things.

For one, I felt better. I had more energy and I was (as Steve puts it) spunkier. Second, I had lost 8 pounds simply by exercising and without any purposeful change in my diet. Third, I noticed that I was craving less carb-based snacks like cookies and brownies and cakes and such things. Not that I didn't enjoy them, but I was able to stop munching on them a lot faster than I had before.

And fourth, the walks I was taking had also taken to starting to help me spiritually which was something I wasn't expecting. I found myself talking to God on my walks and beginning to really feel His presence. When the sun was warm or there was a cool breeze, it only made that feeling stronger. Not that I would call a suburban neighborhood in Salem, New Hampshire "nature", but by being outside I was taking the time to see all of the things that He created around me. I started to notice small things like how certain plants and trees looked at different times of the morning and at different angles of light. I took to observing some of the animals I saw and watching their behavior (this helped me to realize that cats are weird). I saw fellow walkers or joggers who would smile and wave, even on the first day I was out walking. I felt a spring in my step with each turn and as each morning walk passed I felt God's presence more and more. I never felt lonely - something I had felt in the past when I had tried exercising - even though I was walking solo.

October hit and I started to miss a few walks due to a death in the family and a vacation to Tennessee. When things were back to normal, it was too dark and eventually too cold to consider walking outside. I weighed a few options and decided to join Planet Fitness, an inexpensive but good gym close to our apartment. I started to go a few days a week, and I met with the personal trainer (it comes with the membership). We discussed how it's important to build muscle and we formed a weight training program for me. I continued to build up my cardio for a bit, praying at night that what had before been inevitable would not happen again.

But it did. I got bored and lonely at the gym. I tried to figure out why and couldn't, so I tried to think harder. Then I realized - I didn't feel God's presence at the gym the way I had felt Him there when I was outside walking in the fresh air. Intelligently, I know that God is everywhere, God is in our hearts - but the gym made me feel alone and surrounded by people who were in their own bubbles of exerciseness. People's faces on the ellipticals, treadmills, bikes, and weights rarely ever look like they're enjoying themselves. How am I supposed to find enjoyment in such a sea of blah?

When I realized that this was why I was feeling so disconnected from fitness when I was at the gym, I didn't know what else to do so I got on the scale. No movement up or down, the same 8 pounds was missing from the starting point. No discouragement, but yet almost a silent encouragement. It was like He had said "I haven't given it back to you yet even though you ate like garbage over Christmas and certainly didn't watch what you were eating at Disney. Did you SEE those French pastries you ingested? Now, don't be discouraged. Get back to the gym." I prayed for the motivation to go, and a week later I got back on the scale. Another pound was gone... no, I don't know how that happened. Maybe the exercise of walking around Disney gave my metabolism a quick boost, but there that pound was, gone. I took this as His encouragement and found a bit more resolve.

I went last night for the first time since the beginning of January, and before that I hadn't been since right after Thanksgiving. I changed, popped on my iPod and searched through the list for Hour 1 of "Learning the Bible in 24 Hours". Then I got on the elliptical, zoned out, and just listened to the speaker come through the headphones.

I HATE the elliptical, but appreciate the full workout it offers. I have never made it past 7 minutes before I feel like I'm going to fall over - until last night. I zoned out and I listened to the speaker talk about His word. I made it to 10 minutes before I realized my legs were burning pretty badly. Then I hopped off and went over to the treadmill for 25 minutes of powerwalking. For the first time, and I don't know if it was my listening selection or what, I felt God was with me at the gym last night. This morning I got on the scale again... and another half pound disappeared. Encouragement.

I have come to realize that part of trying to get fit and being healthier is accepting that our body is a gift from God, and that we are maintaining it for Him. Exercise, while for our own health, is also a way to worship Him and thank Him for giving us life. There's a verse I found before that speaks to this, but I can't think of what it is at the moment. Coming to these realizations over the last few days has helped me to start to find the motivation to get to the gym and exercise on a more regular basis; I know that no matter how down or discouraged I get I still have Him there to encourage and guide me.

I only hope that I can keep this at the front of my mind as I proceed with my weight training and cardio workouts in the coming weeks, months, and years.