Tuesday, September 11, 2007

"It was a dark and stormy night..."

I had an urge to write today, but couldn't think of a darned thing to write about. So I did a Google search for writing prompts and found a webpage oddly enough called Creative Writing Prompts. On this webpage are 302 different writing prompts to help get your creative juices flowing. Below is my attempt at number 188.

Ah. Another wonderful morning at Initech. Who am I? I'm the breakroom coffeemaker, a 15 year-old Mr. Coffee by the name of Bob. I was recovered from certain dumpster death when Initech moved into this building after the old company went under. Not sure what the people at Enron did, but it must have been pretty bad for as quick as they left.

Every morning is the same. In fact... here comes Nina now. Nina from A/P comes in here every morning and fills my top with 10 cups of fresh, crisp spring water from the cooler. She'll plop a filter in my basket and generously fill it with 3 heaping scoops of Eight O'Clock Coffee - always regular, the folks around here couldn't make it on decaf. Look at her go; there she goes putting the basket in the slot now. Next is the button on my left, that glowing red beacon of notice that yes indeed Initech employees, coffee is brewing and will be available for your consumption soon enough. Give me five to seven minutes and your coffee will be ready.

Nina has pressed the button and now it's time for me to get to work. Suction straw - check. Water is heading into the filter now... wait... what the...

Oh no... NINA!!! NINA!!! Come back and turn me off... oh crap, she's long gone now. This is not good! The main straw from the resevoir tank into the filter has sprung a small leak, which means that there is a significant risk of the water getting into the electronics. Oh, how I hope that doesn't happen. The folks here at Initech have been good to me; I'm still with the same carafe I started with 15 years ago, they clean me out on a regular basis (they even remember to run vinegar through my system to clean out the resevoir and tubing!). I'm not ready to die yet.

So far so good... three cups have brewed and are sitting in the pot. Just finish this pot, Tubing, please? Four........ Five....... Si.... uh-oh.

What's that tickling feeling back there? I've never felt that before... that can't be good. OUCH! What the - I feel like I just got stabbed! OUCH! What's that smell??


Peter! PETER! Thank goodness you're here! Yes, the button, press it off... oh thank goodness. Phew! That was a close one! But what is that SMELL? Yes, Peter, back there, right near the cord. Did he just say I short-circuited? Oh NO! I can't be broken! I'm too inexpensive and replaceable! Just get an engineer in here, one of them can fix me - I'm sure of it!

Yes! Wally - he loves me, he loves coffee, he'll fix me! Wait - did he just pull a Keurig advertisement out of his pocket? That's not a FIX! Please no, please don't REPLACE ME!!!! No! Please no...

At least have these five and a half cups of coffee. If I have to die and go to the dump, at least enjoy my last five and a half cups. They're all I have left to give this earthly world. Yes! Yes, Wally... Peter... pour my coffee and let your cups runneth over! But don't let them run into your crisp white shirts, because coffee stains. It's those smiles of contentment when you sip my coffee that I've lived for these 15 years.

Thank you, Peter. Thank you, Wally. You have made my last brew memorable. I feel at peace now, and feel ready to go on to that big breakroom in the sky. It's OK to dump that last cup, I know it's not enough for a full mug. Just empty the last of my resevoir, dump out those grounds, let my hot-plate cool off and place me in that trash can. I have loved you, Initech employees, but my time has come. Enjoy your new, shiny, modern coffeemakers. I hope that they are as good to you as I have been.

Au revoir.

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