I know that not everyone likes the LOLCat website icanhascheezburger.com, but I get a kick out of it. Political commentary it isn't, but people are expressing the current state of the economy through their LOL submittals now.
Normally I would try to come up with some sort of witty commentary about how bad the economy is and how I'm tired of overpaying for gas... but really, you know.
When you buy a new home, you start to ask yourself questions. Should I upgrade the carpeting? Is it worth it to consider finishing the basement? Do I want a humidifier on the forced hot air? Will I eventually get a shed or park the lawnmower in the garage?
Then there are the more serious questions you ask yourself. Is the construction of this house sound? Is propane gas cheaper than oil or electric? Should I add insulation to the attic? How energy efficient are my windows, doors, and appliances? And perhaps one of the most important questions: How safe is the water?
Nothing can cause panic or stress in the heart of a buyer of a new home like finding out that the levels of certain elements or chemicals are higher than the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) levels of acceptance. Things that can cause panic are Volatile Organic Compounds (VOCs), Radon, Arsenic, and a slew of various other chemicals that are known carcinogens or various other disease causers. These are both naturally occurring and man-made compounds that can seep into your water and without proper filtration you can unknowingly damage the health of your family and yourself.
You may remember a few months ago I wrote about my thoughts on the book "A Civil Action" by Jonathan Harr. Humans did a darn good job screwing up our environment. When purchasing a home, it's a good idea to do a search on the EPA's SuperFund site to make sure that any sites near your potential home are either cleaned up or non-existant. Man-made chemical messes are known to cause damage to drinking water in nearby sources, including private wells. However, there are also a number of naturally occuring elements and chemicals - including Radon, Arsenic, and Iron - that home buyers should be on the lookout for as well. Sometimes there may be presence of both man-made and naturally occurring elements/chemicals and sometimes it may be one or the other. Either way, a comprehensive water test is always highly recommended.
The good news for any home buyer is that proper filtration can eliminate all of these things down to acceptable levels by the EPA and your state/local government standards. Once filtration is installed and running, a second test can show if the levels have been effectively reduced and if they have been then you're clear to continue with the purchase of your new domicile. If they've not been reduced to your satisfaction, then hopefully you and your buying partners were smart enough to arrange a clause in your purchase and sale to exit cleanly in the event of poor water quality.
The most important thing to keep in your sights while purchasing a home is the health, safety, and well-being of your family.
We live in the information age. A time where you can find out pretty much anything you want on the internet. With that has come the fear in the hearts of all of identity theft; those two dirty words that if they ever happen to you mean months of clean-up afterwards. Because of identity theft, we've become a people who are inward and not as trusting. People who panic and shred every last receipt or trace of our names on our mail.
When you do something like lose your wallet, your system is now trained to go into fight or flight mode. You drive with an unusual lead foot to the scene of the losing, hoping and praying the entire ride that it's still there with all of its contents inside. While you do this, your spouse is there with the other copies of all of your cards calling the credit card companies to place holds and cancel cards. We're a people trained to protect our identity, our very being. No one can be trusted out there.
You whip into a parking spot and run inside. Your spouse gets out and starts checking around where you were parked before, looking in bushes and checking for the 5th time under the driver's seat to make sure you didn't drop it. It's there, on the floor where you were just 60 minutes before that you find your wallet. You open it up to find all of your contents inside, all of your cards and your account numbers and cash. It's been kicked to the side out of the view of most of the people who will walk in, out of sight in the hopes you'll come back to find it.
For a brief moment, you and your spouse have a sigh of relief. In a moment of clarity you realize and remember that the majority of people in the world are honest people like yourself who have no use or want for someone else's wallet. That most people are just like you; afraid of their identity getting stolen and thusly protect others from having that happen to them too. You realize these things... and then you and your spouse get right back in your car and continue to not trust anyone, knowing that the next time a wallet is lost or stolen the same panic will set in again.
Today marks 75 years since beer was allowed to be sold again after 14 years of prohibition. I had never even heard of this day before until I saw an article on CNN discussing the history of this historic occasion. But alas, today is indeed Beer Day and many people celebrated last night on New Beer's Eve. At 12:01 AM 75 years ago the gates of breweries in the 20 states that allowed beer to be brewed opened and carriages came forth carrying cases and kegs of beer to disperse to a thirsty public. With an alcohol volume of 3.2%, beer was released into the freedom it deserved by a newly elected FDR and his "wet" Congress only a month after his inauguration.
The allowing of brewing of beer help to create 50,000 much-needed jobs during a Great Depression era when jobs and work were sorely needed by the folks of these United States. The beer may have been of poor quality (it is thought that the early beer was more watered down than that beer released after the December 5th signing of the 21st amendment, ending total prohibition), but it was welcomed by the masses with open arms.
Since then, the beer industry has become a flourishing one here in the US and around the world - beer produced almost $295 BILLION in revenue worldwide in 2006. It is a welcomed addition to cookouts, sporting events, parties, and even has inspired a slew of people to host and/or attend beer tastings. People take brewery tours learning about the brewing process and the history of beer constantly throughout the US (there are a number of places you can do that right here in New England). Beer has become a part of our culture even to the point where if you say you drink a certain beer or don't drink beer at all - it may effect what a person thinks of you. No matter what beer you drink, you can be assured that by partaking in the sudsy beverage you are submerging yourself in some aspect of our culture. 
Beer is so loved by our society, in fact, that we've even gone about making up a quote and attributing it to one of our favorite American wise men. The quote "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" has often been attributed to.... That's right! Ben Franklin! In actuality, Franklin never said those words and in fact had a lot more to say about wine, water, and drinking responsibly (read more about this here). There are multiple songs about beer - mostly Country, I'm sure - as well as books written about the love and history of beer.
So tonight, order a pizza and some buffalo wings. Buy a case of Bud, 6-pack of your favorite Sammy A's, a draught glass of Guinness or a selection of your favorite microbrews*. Take a trip to a local brewery or pull up some good old Super Bowl commercials on YouTube and celebrate. Give thanks to FDR and the "wet" Congress for allowing us to enjoy a frosty mug of beer whenever we want.
*Danielle encourages her readers to drink responsibly. The suggestion to have a beer is not recommended to recovering alcoholics, pregnant women, underage folks, or those otherwise identified by a medical professional to not drink beer. Don't drink and drive.*
In the last 6-8 months or so, Steve and I have started to take steps to become more aware of some of the things we do and how they impact ourselves and the environment. Now, I'll preface this by saying that by NO means are we at the pinnacle of awareness nor are we 100% where we feel we could or want to be with our own individual contributions to this. But there are some steps that we've taken and even if they are baby ones they're still steps.
I'm trying to be more aware and diligent about the small things we do that can impact the larger picture. We're both trying to be more aware of the small things you can do around the house - like... turning the lights off when you're leaving a room. Like (and this is one I'm bad at) not letting the water run while you're brushing your teeth. Another thing that we can all do is re-evaluate how we travel places. If you're going somewhere that's within a mile or two of your home, walking not only benefits your own health (and wallet) but it also benefits the environment by reducing the amount of gasoline you're using. If you don't feel like walking, bicycling offers the same benefits.
A big way that most people help out the environment is through recycling. We don't currently recycle because there's not a good place for us to store our recyclables, but with the spring cleaning we're doing I'm hoping we can alleviate that problem for at least our cans (there's no curbside pick-up where we live). When we (eventually) get into a house, I'm going to make us more diligent about cleaning and sorting all of our recyclables. I also got a tip from my friend Kimberly to save yarn clippings from projects and reuse them as stuffing in future projects. I already use them as yarn markers, but I hadn't thought about as stuffing and had been throwing them away. Then there are those good old plastic shopping bags. A while ago I bought us some reusable shopping bags (and they also supported breast cancer with my purchase!) and we've been using those when we go to the grocery store as often as possible.
I'm also becoming more interested in companies that make efforts in their own manufacturing to be more proactive in the environmental impact of their products. I was recently eating a container of Stonyfield Farm yogurt and saw that they're holding a campaign where you can go on their website and vote for the next yogurt flavor (I'm a Demogurt, I voted for fat free Caramel Apple). While there I noticed that they have a bunch of other campaigns and projects that they work on to protect the environment. There was a whole section that talked about how they went into the selection of the packaging materials they use because environmental impact is huge for them. In fact, if you eat Stonyfield yogurts, they even offer 2 ways to reduce the impact to the environment; you can buy their yogurt in the larger containers (saves something like 11,000 gallons of oil/year I think?) and you can also save/mail in your cleaned and used yogurt containers and they'll recycle them for you. I also found out from looking at their website that there's a whole company that makes toothbrushes and razors out of recycled plastics.
There are also whole groups and forums out there dedicated to finding ways to reuse things. For example, Craftster has a whole forum dedicated to helping fellow crafters find ways to reuse unwanted junk and make in into something useful. One of the most remarkable things I've seen is this resin bottle-cap table made from over 2,000 beer bottle-caps. Seeing these things makes me think of some of the stuff I've thrown away - even recently - due to a lack of storage space and wonder if someone could have made something with it. I also have friends who make things out of what most people would consider trash. On the occasions we do get plastic bags, we either reuse them as small trash-can bags or we give them to our friend Jill who makes "plarn" (plastic yarn) out of them and crochets them into purses/bags. I have another friend Marie who is collecting cardboard juice and milk containers to make blocks for her son. All it takes for these things is a little bit of creativity.
What do you currently do or what ideas do you have for things we can do to reduce waste/help the environment? I'm always looking for thoughts!
I saw this picture on Bostonist.com and it really struck me for some reason. 
The concept of "Forgive and Forget" is one that I never could decide exactly where I landed on. On the one hand, the spirit of the phrase seems to be one that suggests we forgive people for the wrongs that they have done to us and forget the hurt that was caused by it. This allows us to continue to move forward in relationships or at least be cordial to people rather than complete dissolution and never wanting to see or interact with these individuals again.
On the other hand, one could argue that if you forgive and forget that you do not fully experience the life lessons to be learned because we "forget" the wrongs that are done to us. This coincides nicely with the "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me" phrase that people have often heard. If you decide to completely forget the wrong, do you remember not to place your hand on the hot burner the next time it happens?
Then again, one could also argue that this phrase means to forgive people for their wrongs, learn from the hurt, and "forget" could be a metaphor for handing the burden to God for Him to forgive the person.
I admit this to be more of a brain dump than it is full out thoughts and articulate notions. But that picture really struck me this morning, and now I think it'll likely be on my mind for the better part of the day.
Without disclosing my own stance, I'd like to take the opportunity to encourage my readers to make an effort to get involved in the political process.
This year's race for the presidential nomination has been exciting and heated on both sides of the aisle. Up until the primaries started and the candidates started to get their delegates in a row for their respective potential nominations, there were something like 8 or 9 people in each party who wanted to replace George Bush as our nation's leader. You can't get away from the political advertisements or political news stories on TV and radio. Sometimes this can all be overwhelming and hard to sort out sometimes, which can make it difficult to get involved in the process.
We as Americans have the right to vote and choose who leads our nation, which is something that people around the world are constantly fighting for. However, not everyone in the nation is voting. In 2000, roughly 52% of the population who are eligible to vote got out there and voted. This means that half of the people are speaking up for all of the people. While they're expecting that number to be higher this year, it still will likely not be 100%, or even 90% of the eligible population.
If you're not registered to vote, I encourage you to do so. Sure, we're only one vote individually, but that one vote could break a tie and that's where the power lies.
Some Links For Your Reference*:
On the Candidates:
Republicans: John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Ron Paul
Democrats: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton
Green Party: Ralph Nader
Other Links:
CNN Politics (They have a good breakdown of delegate counts and percentages on the front page)
Political News Daily
The Electoral College
Rock the Vote
Register to Vote (Also has some additional voter education links)
*If you're reading this and you have some additional links that can help people learn more about the voting process or the current candidates, please add them to the comments. Or just comment anyways.
My apologies are extended to anyone over the years who has fallen victim to my "Why I Hate Valentine's Day" rant.
Seriously. Let me explain. (This is a longer post, so you're warned now.)
Valentine's Day has a pretty rich history. From what I can gather from the reading I've done on the holiday (and I read and then wrote this, so I might forget stuff), it started as a Christian holiday to honor 3 different men named Valentine who were martyrs. In fact - there used to be 3 different Valentine's Days. Sometime during the medieval period and/or the Roman Empire people started to use it as a time to celebrate fertility of women. One culture used to sacrifice a goat and then slap women with it, and they welcomed this because they believed they would become fertile. It was also a time used to celebrate the beginning of bird-mating season and the coming of spring. It also became a time for courting and often times men would buy the woman of their heart's desire gifts during this time to woo her.
But then things started to change. In 1847, a woman in Worcester MA decided to make the first Valentine's Day cards and sold them in she and her father's general store. This ballooned over the next 100 or so years to more cards, chocolates, stuffed animals, and flowers. Then in the 1980's, the diamond industry started to convince the men of America that they needed to impress the ladies with jewelry too.
Somewhere along the line, a wonderful festival of love, happiness, and merrymaking became a commercially driven pressure-filled holiday. Valentine's Day became dominated with the colors of red and pink, and came in second place behind only Christmas as having the most greeting cards purchased and sent. It became a holiday filled with pressure for men to shower their ladies with gifts, and a day for people who didn't have that special someone to sit at home miserable and mow down on Ben & Jerry's. The chocolate and flower industries flourish on these days selling cliche heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and marking up bunches of roses to ridiculous margins.
All I could ever think was - Why?
When we were little kids (at least for me anyways), Valentine's Day was different. It was an opportunity to show everyone why they were special, an excuse for a classroom party. Everyone got each other little cards with their favorite super heroes or cartoon characters on them, and even the bully of the class was caught smiling. It was a day when we were encouraged to love everyone and to show everyone that they were special.
Then 7th grade happened.
In the 7th grade there were no more parties with paper bag mailboxes taped to our desks. It was the first year we were left on our own to celebrate Valentine's Day. I went to the store and found some cute little cards and lollipops to hand out to my friends. I was one of maybe 3 people who did this, and I felt dumb. All other gifts and cards that were given were between the boyfriends and girlfriends of the middle school, while the poor 12 year olds who didn't have a significant other - which were most of them - felt stupid and depressed while the other kids carried their stuffed animals and balloons around. This trend only got worse through high school, and by the time I was 15 (even though I had a boyfriend) I grew to detest the holiday. Until I was about 20, I wore black on February 14th out of protest.
Seriously I did.
As I got older, I heard some of my peers talking about how they expected their boyfriends and fiances to get them jewelry and say things like "If I don't get flowers on Valentine's Day I'll be devastated". I watched girls sit in their dorm rooms and either get drunk, cry, or be bitter. I used to drive by a flower shop to get to work when I worked in Stoneham, and from Feb. 13-15 the price of their roses skyrocketed from $12/dozen to $40/dozen. I heard stories of people who either had to wait 3 hours to be seated at a restaurant or who had to make their reservations months in advance to get dinner. I heard voices of frustration and recounts of fights because of long waits, or too much money spent, or not the right gift given. And I wanted NO part of it.
This works out for Steve because he has less pressure on him this week. But at the same time, for a while he had to suffer through my cynicism and complaining about how dumb Valentine's Day is. "I don't need Hallmark to tell me when to love you" is a standard sentence to escape my lips this time of year. Anyone who comes in my path this time of year has usually heard my standard rant, and how no I don't get or want flowers, and how no I don't get or want jewelry, etc. etc. etc.
Here's the reality: I can celebrate Valentine's Day without being a codgery old man (in attitude only) like I've been doing for the last 12 years, and I can do so without participating in the commercialism of the day. I can spread the love and encourage others to spread the love to each other. This day could mean something again. To everyone.
I can make my own cards, cookies, candies, and give them to lots of people. I can continue my tradition with Steve of a non-traditional date and gift night on Valentine's Day. I can do all sorts of things without complaining about the over-commercialization of the day and encourage other people to celebrate in different/creative ways.
I vow to start right now. Valentine's Day 2008.
And I again offer my apologies to anyone who's ever heard the "Why I Hate Valentine's Day" rant. From now on you'll only hear the "How I Work Against Commercialization of the Day" discussion. I'll also do the same for Mother's and Father's Days, because the same applies - only without the past history of hatred and instead a deep appreciation for my parents.
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For More Information:
History Channel on V-Day
Antivalentinism
Hallmark Holiday
I have my homepage both at home and work set to iGoogle, and one of the gadgets I have included on there is Wikihow. I'm not entirely sure why I have it there because I never make or do any of the things that pop up, but I have it there anyways. Yesterday, I opened up my intar-web and checked out the latest Wikihow article. The title: How to Be Romantic. There were two thoughts that crossed my mind when I read this:
"You've gotta be kidding me..." and
"Well, I guess it's timely enough, with V-Day next week and all."
So of course I opened it up and apologized internally for my first thought; maybe I too need a refresher or to be taught a thing or two. After all, Steve and I have been together 5 years next month and we've been married only for 7 months this month. I have a lot to learn. As I read there were some things in that article that I thought to myself, "OK, I can see that" and then there were some other things that made me just giggle. OK, maybe more of a chortle but still the reaction of amused was there.
Things that made me say "OK, sure, that I can see":
Break the Monotony: This makes sense to me, and there are a lot of people out there who have been married or together for a while who might see this and say "Oh man. Yeah. That would be awesome." If you don't break up the monotony every so often, you get stuck in these routine boring ruts. Before my parents moved to Tennessee, it was the same darned routine every week and they always went to the same places for long weekends or vacation. If that were me - as much as I love routine I would have gone nuts in my relationship. Spice it up once in a while, do something unexpected for your partner or plan something that you haven't done before.
Make it Personal: The article says that "romance is not one size fits all", and this is so true. While every woman appreciates flowers once in a while, is that really what would excite her when you walk in the door with a surprise? And sure, every man appreciates having dinner ready when he walks in the door, but is that really a gesture of romance to him? I have a great recent example of making it personal, and I might have mentioned it in a previous post but because it's recent it sticks out in my head. About a month or so ago, Steve came home from work and I was cooking dinner before our weekly Bible study. After I plated dinner and we sat down at the table, he said "I have a surprise for you - close your eyes". Hearing the rustling of plastic bags, I assumed there were flowers. Boy was I ever wrong; when my eyes opened, there on the table sat Guitar Hero III for the Wii. I was more excited about that than I have ever been about flowers (except maybe the first ones he ever gave me, which is a story for another time) - and he knew that.
Don't Forget to Laugh: Life in general is miserable if you don't have a sense of humor, and laughing (unless you're laughing AT your partner) is never really ill-placed.
Things that made me giggle a little:
If you're at a loss for ideas, go to "How to Come up with Romantic Ideas". Oh man. To me, if you're at a loss for ideas... don't go to that list. Come up with a list of questions you can sneakily place to draw ideas from your partner. Go to your partner's best friend or closest family member for ideas. That's just my opinion anyways; Wikihow doesn't know my husband.
Being romantic doesn't mean being obsessive: This made me giggle because the first thought that popped into my head was "No, but being obsessive DOES indeed make you a stalker, or at least close to one".
I joke a bit, but really romance and being romantic I think is a very important part of being in a relationship. If you don't do acts every so often that practice romance, you'll eventually lose that spark and become bored or worse. Just because that romantic ideas list made ME giggle doesn't mean it won't help you or someone you know. But be sure to practice romance regularly - not just on Valentine's Day or your anniversary. Otherwise you could end up like these guys some day:
I recently finished reading the book "A Civil Action" by Jonathan Harr. It was an excellent book and I had a hard time putting it down. For those of you who read this blog that enjoy a legal read every once in a while, definitely grab this book. For those of you who grew up in the Pine Street Neighborhood of Woburn, MA during the 1960's, if you haven't read this book already you might not want to because it will force you to relive a sad era in that neighborhood. Why? The book is about said Woburn neighborhood during the 1960-70s. During that time, the city of Woburn was periodically pumping water from the municipal wells G & H into the homes of that area. During that time, people experienced a number of various ailments including miscarriages, digestive tract issues, and the one that caused the most alarm and for a case to be born in the first place - leukemia. The book is about the ensuing legal drama that unfolded during the 1980's as a result.
At any rate, whenever I read a non-fiction book that grabs me like this I inevitably end up doing some research on my own to learn more when I've finished. I hopped online and did a Google search. Of course there was a Wikipedia article that offered a synopsis of the movie as well as links that brought me to lots of other places (including a laughable court decision on John J. Riley v. Harr/Random House where one of the antagonists in the book sues the author for basically defamation of character). I also stumbled upon the EPA's Superfund site, which I found the most intriguing and disturbing at the same time.
The first thing I did of course was read the EPA's account of the Wells G & H site as well as the Woburn Industri-Plex site. This was an entire area of Woburn around the Aberjona River that had a bunch of industry that did a fine job of polluting the land and water. As I read about what was found there and the huge area that this whole thing covered, I became pretty disturbed. Mind you, I had already been disturbed when I read the book about some of the dumping that went on not only as far as directly dumping chemicals into a water supply, but also just the general dumping that went on in Woburn during the age of the tanneries.
I became curious after reading about these two Woburn sites, and did a full search for the EPA's NPL projects (National Priority List/Long Term projects) in Massachusetts. There are 37 NPL projects in Massachusetts, and 21 in New Hampshire. Going through them you see the same basic thing over and over and over again - companies having management that permitted them to either dispose of chemicals improperly damaging the environment around it or improper storage in containers that eventually corroded and THEN damaged the environment around it.
I experienced a mix of emotions while I was reading through some of the various projects on the NPL list and learning about all the different ways that corporations, companies, and sometimes individuals performed these ignorant acts of disposal. The first thing I experienced was a gut-wrenching disgust; I almost stopped eating my lunch (I did all this during a lunch break this week) when I read about some of the things that were being dumped. To me it seemed like common sense: if it burns your nose and eyes when you breathe it in, or if it causes your skin to hurt or you have to wear gloves to handle it - you probably should NOT be dumping it all willy-nilly wherever you feel like. If you're storing it in 55-gallon drums that are known to rust over time - you should probably call someone to come and pick it up. I understand that this all happened in a lifetime I don't know; I was born in the same year as the Superfund program so I don't know anything before the age of "Save the Planet". Maybe people thought it was OK to dump the chemicals, that Mother Nature would take care of it. I don't know, but it still saddens me to learn about the damage that happened before my lifetime.
The second feeling I experienced was a sort of relief and gratefulness that the EPA established the Superfund program back in 1980. If they hadn't, what would the United States be like today? Since the establishment of the Superfund program, there have been a number of laws that have passed to protect the environment and allow more penalties for illegal dumping of hazardous materials. Also, in the 27 years since its inception, there have been a huge number of clean-up efforts across the country as well as an increased awareness of the importance of not polluting. Because of the EPA Superfund, a number of sites across the country have been cleaned up and reverted back into usable space or drinkable water.
I am certainly going to be more concientious about my own actions from here on out too. As citizens, we can be careful to properly dispose of paint we might have left over or automotive oil left over from changing it ourselves. We can use household chemicals that are less damaging to the environment. And most importantly, we can educate others and encourage each other to protect the environment around us. After all - it doesn't belong to us anyways.
There was a time when I was 7 or 8 years old when Roger Clemens was the athletic role model for young Boston sports fans. He was a great pitcher, a Cy Young award winner, and was admired by lots of fans both young and old. I can remember Roger being caricatured on the front of the funnies in the Boston Herald in a full page wall pin-up. My brother drooled over his very first Roger Clemens baseball card when he was just a tender 5 years old.
Not long after that, Mo Vaughn became one of my grandmother's favorite baseball players. I remember watching him hit home runs on the small 13" TV in my Nana's kitchen, all the while she would talk about how she had his rookie card (she was an avid baseball card collector). Little boys on Pee-wee and Little League teams around New England wanted to hit like Mo Vaughn and pitch like "The Rocket". They worked hard at practices and even said things like "OK, you pitch like Roger and I'll hit it out of the yard like Mo hits it out of the park".
When you're young, you never think that there is anything but pure athletic talent in the men and women you see on TV or in the ball parks and stadiums of the world. You develop a sort of admiration for them and then take your dreams and visions of your heroes to the Little League and Pop Warner fields of America. You go to health class and learn about steroids, and all the bad things that they can do to you. The thought goes through your impressionable 12 year-old mind: What woman wants to look and sound like a man, and what man wants to sacrifice their manhood for bigger muscles? Then you put yourself in a disillusion - My athletic heroes would never do something like that. They're just that good, they don't need these stupid drugs. The only people who take those are the people who want to be like my athletic heroes - but the heroes themselves, NO WAY!
I remember being about 17 or 18 when I first started hearing about Mark McGuire and Barry Bonds being accused of using steroids. Then a few years later Jose Canseco came out with his book "Juiced" and exposed many baseball players for their consistent steroid use. I was disgusted; here were two guys threatening to break home run records and they were juicers? What kind of an example was that setting for the other players, for their fans?
This last December, when the Mitchell Report on steroid use in the MLB was released, I couldn't help but take some time and look through it. Some of the names that appeared blew my mind, and I can only imagine what reading some of those names did to the parents of kids who look at these guys as heroes. How do you explain to your kid that Roger "Rocket" Clemens is now looked at as someone who didn't get to where he is on his God-given talent alone?
(Side note: Clemens trying to convince the world he didn't use steroids is the biggest load of crap ever. The guy who injected him had an MS in Sports Medicine. I'm sure he knew the difference between vitamins and hormones. That's like me going to get a manicure, someone noticing I got a manicure, and then seriously saying "No, my nails naturally grow in purple. I don't and never have gotten a manicure. What are you talking about?" See. That's silly.)
It's important to note that this phenomenon doesn't just apply to the MLB. Last summer, I was grossly disappointed when I heard that one of my favorite defensive players on the Patriots, Rodney Harrison, was found purchasing and using Human Growth Hormone (HGH) to recover from an injury. Anyone who's ever read North Dallas Forty also knows the part that drugs and steroids played in the NFL during the 70's. So it's not just one sport, and it's only a matter of time I think before we hear how rampant is really is in professional sports - even if we already suspect.
Here's the real question: Why? Why bother using steroids and HGH to get ahead when you know it's wrong?
Now before I get any further you need to understand that I fully appreciate and acknowledge that everyone has free will. A player, given the option to be awesome of his own accord and talent or attempt to improve his performance with performance-enhancing substances, has all the right in the world to make the decision on their own whether it's right, wrong, or indifferent. It's why God gave us free will. I also think that it's important to note that free will is also what caused us to get ourselves in trouble in the first place.
That said, no matter what decision is made I think that the motives behind it are similar with slight differences. The player who chooses to take the steriods wants to do so to better the team, become a better player, and to be the best that they can be for their fans. What do they risk? They risk their health - steroids have been found to do a number of things to a person's body. They risk their legal status - it is ILLEGAL to use steroids at all, let alone in professional sports. They risk their relationships - ever hear of 'roid rage? And while they may have it for a short period of time, if they're exposed as juicers they risk losing the respect of their fans and teammates who are against steroid use.
And why? To be a better individual player, to be a better team player, and to live up to the expectations their fans have of their performance. What do they gain? A lot of muscle, and maybe a record or two that ends up in the Baseball Hall of Fame with an astericks. Maybe an injury that seemed to have healed quicker, but not properly.
On the flipside, let's look at the player who decides to avoid taking any steroids or HGH. What do they risk? They risk passing their prime sooner. They risk not necessarily breaking any records. They risk maybe not necessarily being the super star.
And why? The same reasons with a slight difference - to be a better individual, to be a better team player, and to maintain the respect of their fans over the long run. What do they gain? They gain the knowledge that they did the right thing, and that no matter what happens their fans will never have the chance to turn their nose down on them. They don't risk losing their dignity or getting an astericks on any records they break, because they know they did it themselves.
Given my druthers, if I were a professional athlete - I'd choose option "B". Say no to 'roids, and risk being mediocre.
I leave you with this pondering: For those of you who knew Roger "Rocket" Clemens in the '80s and know how great he was when he was in Boston - are you questioning anything? Do you wonder if he was juicing while he was here? Do you wonder if maybe he did it so that he would always be the Great "Rocket" he was when he wasn't juicing, perpetually revisiting his glory days? And - do you wonder why he's trying so hard to deny the use now that it's public when no one else who was mentioned on the report is?
I haven't been to a concert in a few years. I think that the last concert I went to was the Barenaked Ladies and Alanis Morrisette a few years ago. I LOVE going to concerts, the darn problem is that they're just so expensive. To go to a concert at my favorite place to see a concert (the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom) is usually about $30-40 per ticket depending on who's playing. Then forget it if you want to buy a tee-shirt, or water, or anything really. By the time it's said and done, for two people to go to a concert will run you about $150ish dollars (can't forget about parking).
That said, I've been pretty selective about what concerts I would like to go to. Some of the problem is that Steve isn't a fan of concerts - he prefers to go to comedy shows, which thankfully I also greatly enjoy - and I don't know many people that like the same bands/groups that I like. Granted, I haven't asked around - there might be someone willing to go to my 5th or 6th Goo Goo Dolls concert with me (I saw them 4 or 5 times in college, once right in the front AND met them after a show). The Goo Goo Dolls are one of my absolute favorite bands to see in concert, they put on such a good show. Another one of my favorite people to see in concert is Weird Al Yankovic. He dresses in the same costumes for his concerts as he wears for the music videos, and he plays a great variety of old and new stuff. I've seen him... er, twice I think.
There are also three concerts I would love to go to, but to go would REALLY empty my wallet. They are:
- Aerosmith. I don't even know if they're touring/playing anymore, and I am jealous of anyone who has ever seen them live. They are one of the greatest bands (arguably) and I would bet money that they put on an amazing show.
- Garth Brooks. This one is tough for a couple of reasons. 1) The expensive factor, he's one of the most popular shows ever when he goes on tour. 2) He's not touring right now and isn't doing much until his daughters are done with high school. So I wait.
- Billy Joel. Problem is that usually when he's touring his tickets can run $100, and I usually have a hard time justifying that kind of an expense.
Incidentally, I did find this YouTube video this morning of Weird Al doing "Yoda" in concert. There aren't enough Hawaiian shirts in this audience (anyone who's ever been to a Weird Al concert gets that). There's also a clip of the Goo Goo Dolls singing "Big Machine" live (it's what they opened with the last time I saw them - AWESOME).
So the long and short of it - I'm itching to go to a concert. I love the energy, I love the singing along, I wanna go. The other problem - it's not concert season anymore really.
Oh well... I'll wait for next year's HBCB schedule. Maybe someone fun will go along.
It occurred to me the other day that my mom doesn't have any of the same friends that she had when she was my age. And I can remember these friends because I was 7 years old and knew these people. My dad doesn't even talk to or keep in even remote contact with the guy who was his best man when he and my mom got married. Again, I know this because we called the guy "Uncle Dave" and he was nice to us kids.
I wondered to myself what causes this kind of drifting in people. Is it different life priorities as you grow? Do people change and even though you may not notice yourself changing, other people notice? What about those people who stay around you as your priorities change and you change as a person - what makes them different than the people who end up drifting away, getting mad at you for reasons you don't even understand, or who you just stop talking to as a part of life getting you all caught up?
In the last ten years, I've seen a number of friendships in my life change and shift. Forget the last ten years - in the last YEAR I've gained and lost friends and not even known what happened to cause either one of those things. I know I'm not the only one who has had this happen in their lives, I can't be. I don't think it's some weird thing that God has planned that I'll be the only one who won't have the same friends for my entire life; that's a pretty common thing I'm assuming. Despite all those changes, I've had some consistencies - though I can't say that even the consistencies have been consistent. There are three or four people who come to mind in terms of a consistent presence in my life, but to some extent even those friendships have changed.
It's a blessing to have even one friend. I'm incredibly blessed as it is to have found Steve to share life with me and grow old with. I'm blessed to have one close confidante/girlfriend in my life, and further blessed for the times I've been able to say I have 2 or 3. I'm even further blessed to have as many other friendships as I have - many people don't even have one.
Considering how blessed I and most of my readers are in the way of friendships - when a friendship fades/weakens/disappears, why do sometimes we take it so badly and forget how blessed we still are if we are surrounded by other friends and loved ones? It would seem we should take more solace in the ones who are still close and be able to recover quicker when the realization hits that a friendship is fading or may even be over.
These are just some reflections I've had. As I get older and start thinking about life priorities, I begin to realize that the friendship drift "thing" is going to unfortunately become more commonplace - especially as we all grow older and into our lives, and have kids and they grow and we have to nurture them in their own lives and their friendships. This is what made me think of my parents' faded friendships; they came and went based on where we - the kids - were in our lives. My dad stopped hanging out with Dave as much when he moved in with my mom, me, and my brother and then they had my sister Dawn. Even though Dave was around for a couple of years, eventually Dad became so involved with us that Dave stopped coming around. The priority changed - now there were kids who needed attention and nurturing and unconditional love. Because Dave didn't share that priority (he was a single guy who lived in an apt. in Lynn), the friendship faded.
The changes in life and priorities can be different things. Maybe you're married and your spouse is your main priority. Maybe your job demands you be there certain hours that were previously used to nurture a friendship. Maybe one friend has a different idea on life than you do, and as a result your interests differ too much and you drift. Maybe you've given birth to a child or two and they in turn become your world. Maybe you've changed as a person in some way that doesn't jive with the friendship's dynamic anymore. There are a million other things I could list here - but they're all catalysts for the changes in friendships.
You hope that these things don't happen, but sometimes they do. It's a matter of being in a place in your life where you can accept that change and move forward. As long as you are able to face that need for acceptance and know that God has His reasons for the changes in your life - you'll always be OK in the end.
I was in the car this morning and I heard the new song by Brad Paisley called "Letter to Me" (that link takes you to the music video on CMT.com). It's an interesting premise that answers the questions "What would you write if you could write a letter to yourself?"
So that made me start thinking... what would I write if I were to write a letter to myself. Would I write it to myself when I was 17 and in my senior year of high school? Or would I write it now and put it away so my future self could read it and see if I eventually answer some of the unanswered questions I have now? Maybe I would write it to myself when I was 5 and my parents got divorced, to let myself know that everything turns out OK. Maybe a letter to myself in the 8th grade telling myself to join Marching Band color guard the next year so I could have had one more year of guard instead of waiting until 10th grade. A letter to myself at 16 telling myself that it's not worth fighting with my parents to work at JC Penney, I'll just end up quitting and working at Market Basket anyways so avoid the fight and do it in the first place.
There are so many possibilities of what I could write to myself in a letter. With further thought... I think I would write it to myself my first year in college. I know for sure that I would tell myself to stop being so skeptical and analytical and to open my mind a bit. I would tell myself to make sure I cherish my family because you never know when they'll be gone (no, I wouldn't tell myself when certain people would pass away). I would tell myself to exercise more and make sure I pick up after myself a bit more. Tell myself to be mindful of my money a bit more and keep better track of things. I'd end it with a reminder that God doesn't give us any challenge we can't handle, and everything I go through in life is worth it in the end. That's really it... I'm afraid if I told myself too much that history might change a bit, and I like where life is right now.
I leave you with this - what would you write in a letter to yourself?
Happy Halloween! I hope that everyone has safe plans for tonight if you're into celebrating Halloween and if you're not that you aren't a party pooper for those who don't mind it. In honor of the occasion, I have some Halloween trivia for all of you. Leave your answers in the comments section, and I'll post the answers later tonight so you can see if you were right!
The ONLY rule is that I do ask that you not Google, Yahoo, MSN, or otherwise search engine the answers to the questions. That kind of takes the fun out of it.
Alrighty... here are THE QUESTIONS! Good luck!
1. What was the name of the killer in the famous horror flick "Halloween"?
2. In the book and TV special "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown", who keeps Linus company while he waits in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin to appear?
3. Which New England theme park advertises itself as "America's Horror Theme Park"?
4. Who was the original artist on the 1962 novelty song "Monster Mash"?
5. What charity do children sometimes "Trick-Or-Treat" for instead of candy?
6. True or False: There are no words in the English dictionary that rhyme with the word "orange".
7. Fill in the blank: Jack-O-Lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hollowed out ________ to keep away spirits and ghosts on the Samhain holiday.
8. Other than orange, what colors do pumpkins come in (hint, there are three, and yes, we'll take partial credit)?
9. What is almost consistently the most popular chocolate bar when it comes to Halloween candy?
10. According to the National Retail Foundation, what was the most popular children's Halloween costume in 2005, with 3,778,217 children tallied as donning this outfit?
You know when you’re a kid, and you find out that there’s no Santa Claus and you become utterly disappointed? That sick in your stomach, my world is crashing down around me and everything I believed in is a bunch of crap feeling?
That’s how I’ve felt this week in light of the Patriots spying scandal. Disappointed, discouraged, and disgusted that my beloved Pats have become the Yankees of football.
I started to become interested in football when I was about 10 years old and watched it with my dad. He’d flip around through all the games that would occupy a Sunday afternoon. By the time I was 13 I had developed into a little Pats fan. I remember watching the ’97 Super Bowl at my ex-boyfriend’s house, squished on a couch next to his parents and just dropping my head as the Packers continually made cheese out of the Pats. I couldn’t stand Bledsoe as a QB before Tom Brady had even started in college ball. When I got to college, my friends and I would get together every Sunday and watch the games. I remember sitting in Joe Gregg’s dad’s house during the 2001 Super Bowl. I was on the edge of my seat – literally, and probably for the only time in my life – and covered my eyes as Adam Vinatieri stepped up for the game winning field goal. I didn’t open them again until everyone else in the room started cheering. The Snow game where “the Tuck Rule” became immortalized, sitting in the Leitch Lounge with Nate Bailey, Griff, and Tim Kalhert watching the game in disbelief. The Super Bowl that immortalized the phrase “wardrobe malfunction” in Steve’s Donahue Hall suite with Steve, Brendan Fayle, and Cathleen Spadea. Steve picking on Kevin Faulk every game we watch. Napping through almost every game against the Dolphins from 2001-2005 (no, I’m not quite sure why).
I have so many good memories surrounding Pats games. About a year ago, I heard someone say the comment about the Pats becoming the Yankees of football and brushed it off. People were just jealous because we were able to do well with the salary cap, dispose of players who wanted more money and were past their prime (what IS Ty Law doing these days…?), and were just a great TEAM – an anomaly in modern sports.
But recently I’ve started to see what other fans are seeing. Tom Brady is an unwed father who’s dating a supermodel, which makes him more of a pretty boy celebrity than a quarterback. You don’t hear about (shudder) Peyton Manning doing that crap… although, Brady IS a saint compared to Michael Vick. Rodney Harrison who I thought was one of the best defensive players of our time openly admitted to buying HGH. And now, Matt Estrella is caught crossing sidelines to videotape defensive signals against NFL rules. 
The more I read about it, the more I get disappointed. I was a blind fan who thought that my team was just a good team; I had no idea that they had already been asked to stop it by the Packers last year. Belichick stands up there saying that he had a difference with Roger Goodell about the “interpretation of the rules” and apologizes to the staff, players, and ownership for everything… what did he think was going to happen? Next thing you know someone is going to tell me that Troy Brown is really just a robot and the reason he’s been on the PUP list is because he needed an oil change.
I don’t know. I’ve read a lot from the various sports writers and editorials and the general feel is “Bill, you’re too smart for this. You’re ruining your team’s reputation. Where did this ego suddenly appear from? You don’t NEED this crap!” And I have to agree. Now people are starting to question whether or not all of the wonderfulness of the last 6 years have been aided by cheating and whether or not the Pats are as good as they look. “Can they win without the help?” has become the question of the week.
I’d like to think that they can win without cheating. Even with all of the bad press they’re still showing as 91% likely to make the playoffs on some polls. There’s no way that AV could have made those kicks by cheating, and a lot of those games were too close to call cheating the means for the wins. Now, whether or not cheating made a difference in the 38-14 win against the Jets on Sunday we’ll never know. Or at least we won’t know until the NFL makes their decisions and releases their comments on the matter. All I know is that we play the Chargers on Sunday, and I don’t trust that they’re in the right mindset to win (although, I’d love to knock LaDainian Tomlinson down a few pegs, speaking of egos).
Am I still a Pats fan? Yes; there’s something to be said about loyalty to your team. No, my colleague who’s a Colts fan, I’m not going to start cheering for Peyton Manning to win every game. I’m still a Pats fan, and even if I moved to NY I’d STILL be a Pats fan (although I’d know how a Yankees fan feels in Boston, I’m sure).
But am I completely disappointed with the leadership on my favorite team? You had better believe it.
We all have our own personal journies. I think I had mentioned a few entries ago how I have become quite reflective of late, and part of that is because since the day that Steve proposed I've come to a few turning points in my life. In the last two years I've had my immediate family move halfway across the country, have incurred my first major debt (car payment), have moved out of my parents house, and got married. I've had several friendships fade and new ones appear in the last couple of years. I've struggled (and am working to improve) my self-image and have found other areas of my life I'm trying to improve in as well. It's been an interesting couple of years.
Other than getting married, I would have to say that the other thing that has significantly impacted my life in the last couple of years has been renewing my faith in God and Jesus Christ. For those of you who aren't religious or aren't interested in hearing about other people's religion - a) I believe that faith is a personal journey/decision and what you're about to read is MY personal journey/decision (in a nutshell... Readers' Digest version), and b) I won't be offended if you don't read this entry. There, now I'm done with disclaimers, and shall continue.
Anywho... I grew up in a home where we believed in God, but my parents and family had some bad experiences with the church that they belonged to. I found out and witnessed a lot of these things as a teenager and I became immediately a skeptic/agnostic. I believed in a God bigger than ourselves, but how could a God and a Savior allow such bad things to happen to such good people? I tried a couple of different churches, but either didn't feel welcomed, didn't feel like it was a warm atmosphere, or was completely freaked out by people screaming in tongues and weeping openly because some dude touched their forehead while screaming in tongues. I was looking for a church where they just studied the Bible, explained who Jesus is and who God is, and could answer my questions about WHY bad things happened... or at least offer an environment where I could ask the questions I had. I gave up; I didn't think such a place existed.
In June 2006, we lost Steve's grandmother who was a strong Christian. She had always asked Steve and I to go to church with her, but because I had given up and Steve just didn't know church we consistently declined. After she passed, it felt like the right thing to do to go to the church that she loved so much and see why she loved it. That brought us to Harbor of Hope, a smaller church located in the bottom of a mill building in Chelmsford.
I was immediately nervous. A church in a mill? How much money were they going to beg me for? How creepy were these people going to be? Was this going to be like my experience at the tongue-speaking church and I would be permanently turned off from church-attendance for the rest of my life? I knew I was missing this spiritual dimension of my life (everyone needs one, according to the psychological experts) and while I believed in God, but had given up trying to fill it... would this church help that, or would it be another one to back up my "I am not a church person" mantra?
I was pleasantly surprised. The pastors were down to earth and weren't much older than us. They had kids, families, and real-world experience/stories. They didn't profess to be perfect, and in fact were open in telling the congregation that they too had struggles and questions in their faith at times in their lives. There were offering boxes on the walls and no baskets passed around. Communion was offered to anyone who had put their faith in Christ. Everyone was accepted based on the premise of "Love God, Love Each Other". We didn't meet a single person who wasn't down to earth and who didn't genuinely care for the other people in the church - both new comers and regular attenders.
We became connected with a "Journey Group" where we study the Bible once a week and where we made lots of new friends. I felt comfortable both in our Bible study and with one of the pastors (Jed, for those who came to our wedding) to ask the questions I had and was reassured when I found out that these "seasoned believers" often had the same questions I had. I became more comfortable in prayer and didn't feel like I had to sound completely articulate in order for God to listen. I slowly felt my faith becoming renewed, and just at the point when I felt like I was almost there, I came across this passage: 
Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:29, NIV)
At any rate... from that point on my faith has only grown stronger and I have a long way to go on my spiritual journey for certain. I've kept this scripture as a cornerstone to my journey and a reminder of what faith IS.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, in our church we celebrate adult baptism which is basically a personal decision to leave your "old" life behind and place your faith in Jesus as the leader of your life, and then you show it publicly by being baptized. It's kind of like Confirmation, only a lot less ceremony and more hot tub/water. I was hesitant for a while to do this, I felt like I was supposed to wait for some epiphany and perfection to be baptized. Then I realized - no. God knows I'm not perfect, that everyone is a long way from being perfect, and he and Jesus love us anyway. I don't need to give up everything and everyone in order to place my faith in Their hands, I just need to want to improve myself to live as He wants us to live.
About a month ago, I decided I was ready. Yesterday (which, coincidentally would have also been Steve's Grandmother's birthday) I was baptized at Harbor of Hope in a low-key celebration service. There were about 10 people who were baptized, and it was a great day.
Now... I fully expect that I'll struggle with my faith and I'll sin on occasion. I am - after all - still human. The difference is that I know I'll always have the love of God and Jesus to guide me, and the power of prayer and grace by my side.
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Appropriate Song Lyrics: "How precious did that Grace appeared the hour I first believed." - Amazing Grace
Since I couldn't think of anything to write about, I thought maybe I would share with you part of my article that I submitted to my work newsletter. I left out the market stuff that I researched because the plane itself is interesting enough to bore you with that. If you're not interested in airplanes, then you can skip this and come back tomorrow.
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Dreams of Tomorrow: A Look at the Boeing 787 Dreamliner
On July 8, 2007, the 787 Dreamliner was rolled out at Boeing’s Everett, Washington facility. Representatives from the media and Boeing’s manufacturing partners were present for the occasion. Boeing’s first all-new jetliner since the 777 in 1995 has made waves across the aerospace industry with fresh ideas in material used, ways of manufacturing, and record-breaking intake of orders. Let’s take a look at how this ambitious aircraft came to be and where it’s taking the industry.
The Birth of the 787: In the late 1990’s, Boeing began to take a look at ideas to replace the 767 and to develop a newer 747 as demand for these had decreased. The 767 replacement was called the “Sonic Cruiser”, an aircraft that would fly at speeds of up to Mach 0.98 and offered many new technologies. The Sonic Cruiser had generated interest with US commercial airlines despite concern with the high cost to produce the aircraft.
Boeing was moving ahead with the Sonic Cruiser until the attacks of September 11, 2001. Soon after, the cost of jet fuel skyrocketed and when combined with the projected high production costs the demand for the Sonic Cruiser slacked. Airlines were looking for aircraft that could carry more people for less cost and had become more interested in efficiency than speed. Airbus had begun developing the A380; a super-jumbo jet that would carry up to 555 passengers to various long-range destinations. In order to be competitive in the market, Boeing shifted their gears in late 2002.
Boeing went to the drawing board and decided to abandon the original idea of the high-speed Sonic Cruiser. Instead they offered an alternative product; an aircraft resembling a smaller 777 that they dubbed the 7E7 and put plans for the upgraded 747X on hold. There were questions among analysts about the loss of focus on the 747X with Airbus developing the A380. However, the mid-range market is one where volume and value meet and Boeing opted to focus on their customers’ desires of a more efficient mid-range aircraft.
Boeing continued to work on the design for the 7E7 while keeping some of the technology developed for the Sonic Cruiser. They created a jetliner that would offer customers the efficiency they were looking for as well as being more environmentally friendly than competing aircraft. The plane was eventually named the 787 Dreamliner and it has since become one of the most innovative jetliners in history.
What makes the Boeing 787 so innovative? The first thing that marks the innovation of the 787 is the materials that are being used. The aircraft is made of 50% composite fibers, 20% aluminum, 15% titanium, 10% steel, and 5% other materials. The fuselage is made of 50% composite/20% aluminum - the first aircraft of its kind to offer such a high percentage of composite materials in the fuselage. This is more impressive when compared to the last aircraft Boeing released; the 777’s fuselage is only 9% composite materials and 50% aluminum. The high use of composites makes the 787 very light for its capabilities.
The mainly composite body makes the 787 less susceptible to corrosion, allowing the cabin to be pressurized to 6000 feet rather than 8000 feet. This means higher levels of humidity in the cabin environment, which is more comfortable for passengers. The 787’s use of composites along with systems that run primarily on electricity will help offer 20% greater fuel efficiency, 20% fewer emissions, and 30% less maintenance cost than competing aircraft.
Boeing has selected two engine options for the 787: the GEAE GEnx and the Rolls Royce Trent 1000. Each will have a standard electrical interface that will allow any 787 to be fit with either engine at any time. Boeing’s goal is a 24-hour turn-around time for an engine switch on any 787. This seems quite ambitious; to be able to change engines on an aircraft typically can take 15 days. Not only is interchangeability a highlight of these engines; new developments are expect them to account for as much as 8% of the increased efficiency. The systems for the 787 will rely on as much as 35% less power from the engines because of the primary use of electrical systems.
I've been doing a lot of reflection lately on a lot of things. That reflection has led me to have more patience and understanding at home, the motivation to get up every morning and exercise, and also allowed me to be more consistent in my eating habits. I've made a concerted effort to make sure I take the time and talk to God every morning and say a prayer while I'm on my walks. I'm working to be a more neat person and try to be less of the cluttered person you all know and love They're small changes, but the ultimate goal is to become a better me.
One thing that has come prominent in my mind recently is the need we all have as humans to find and maintain friendships. I have been blessed with what some would and could consider many friends who run the gambit as far as who they are and what they mean to me. I have friends that I share with Steve, and I have friends who are independent of my marriage. I have friends who I haven't seen in a year or more (well... other than a quick "Hi!" at our wedding) but I know if I saw them tomorrow for coffee we could talk for hours like there had been no time since the last visit. I have close friends from college, and am fortunate enough to have three girlfriends that I've been close to for 13 years or more. I have friends who I'm developing my relationship with that I've met only within the last year or so. All of my friends are people from all different walks of life, and they have all sorts of beliefs and differences in what they value.
On the downside to friendships, there are several people out there who were once my friends that for one reason or another I don't see or talk to anymore. Some of these are the result of a past injury, some are the result of natural drifting, and some are the result of a physical move. Even though I don't see these people anymore, they have each touched my life in a great way when we did cross paths and in some cases I have learned great lessons from them. One person in particular I can think of taught me the power of being able to forgive someone and how releasing it can be. Now... believe me - that person probably doesn't know that I learned that from that person, but I did.
I have had friends whose friendships I value very deeply that have taught me (again, without even realizing it) that the way to handle something when you're concerned with their well-being is NOT to vent about it to other people. On the same token, the way to handle a concern about whether or not your friends value YOUR well-being is not to vent about it to other people either. I've learned (and... I'm not at all good at this in practice yet, but I'm getting there) that the way to handle either of those things is to address that person privately, calmly, and in the concerned fashion that you're actually experiencing. I have friends who have taught me things so simple as making sure to always carry Advil and a Shout Wipe in your purse in addition to the deeper things I've learned. There's never been someone who I have considered a friend who I did not learn from them and grow from our relationship.
Friendships need to experience balance. Let's take a really bad analogy for a second, and I ask you all to bear with me. If life is an ocean, and friendship is a ship, the ship needs to be built strong enough to weather the storms as well as have the space to enjoy the gorgeous days. If the ship has holes that haven't been fixed, then it will inevitably sink. The ocean will either leak in slowly and overtake it or it will completely bust open a seam where the hole is. The people on the ship need to be sure to take care of the ship over time - both in the short term and in the long term. The people on the ship also need to realize that taking care of a ship is WAY too much work for one person, and both people need to be taking equal share of the work in order for the ship to survive the things the ocean has to offer.
Wow... that was a better analogy than I thought.
At any rate... that all said, how does one take the things they've learned and apply it to friendships that already exist that may need some nurturing? How does one take the things they've learned and express them in friendships that may be strong already without coming across as annoying and smothering? How does one take the things they've learned and use them to build new friendships that may be blossoming? And what if the worst happens - how do you recover from a friendship that either is completely broken and detached, or is slowly drifting either from natural life change or a physical shift in location?
We can't survive without true friendships. I think that's the ultimate conclusion I've come to. Sure, your spouse or significant other may be your best friend... but even your best friend doesn't fill every need. How can I be the most to my friends that I can be, and be a great shipmate on the ocean of life?
These are the questions that I'm working out in my own reflections as I look at my friendships that fall into all three of these categories. I would LOVE to hear your thoughts either via email or in my comments section. It's a huge topic that touches EVERYONE, so please do let me know your thoughts.
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Current Music: Blue October, "Into the Ocean"
This morning I was doing my usual "Drink the coffee and read the blogs" routine when I got to work to get my brain moving, and was struck by some frustration that was present in Greg's blog entry today. Greg is one of the most compassionate people you'll ever meet, is open to everyone, and his frustration is quite frankly warranted.
He cites this article which he referred to after hearing the story on NPR this morning. For those that don't want to read the article, the basic synopsis is that there's this town in Louisiana that is experiencing a ton of racial tension; in fact, they are experiencing the kind of racial tension that you only ever hear about anymore if the words "KKK" or "...next up and coming movie" are in conjunction with it. When I read the article, I was completely appalled by some of the things I read, and could not believe that in this day in age we're still fighting these issues. Racism complete with nooses and light sentencing for white people. Things that I often forget still exist in 21st Century USA.
But rather than the anger and frustration that Greg felt, I felt sadness and disappointment. I became sad for the love and friendships that the people in this town are missing out on because they are blinded by superficiality. I became disappointed by people who say that they are Christians (one of the town officials say that "They're Christian, law-abiding citizens that wouldn't mistreat anybody"), but yet hate rather than love their fellow members of the community.
Have we forgotten the inspirations of Martin Luther King Jr.? Have we forgotten the quiet but loud statements made by Rosa Parks by not giving up her seat on a bus? The Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation? Have all of the important people who fought for equal rights, died for equal rights and equal LOVE of all men and women... have these people been forgotten and their ideas left in the dust? Where are the fighters today? Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson? I don't think so; whenever I see them I think of hot-aired politicians and often forget that they are Reverends. Did we think that because of things like Brown v. Board of Ed that we didn't have to fight anymore? That because desegregation seemed to work we were all set? Legislation can't change attitudes, only people can change attitudes.
For as far as we have come as a nation, we still have quite a ways to go. Even here in New England there's still progress to be made. The first line in our Declaration for Independence states "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal...". But even when that was written, we were blind to see that all men included men of all colors, women of all colors, and people of all walks of life.
The Bible does not state that God made one white man, one white woman; one black man, one black woman; one Asian man, one Asian woman... you get the point. In the beginning, there was nothing. God made one male, one female, and from them came all other men and women. In the eyes of God we are all brothers and sisters, and anything other than love for all people is a sin. 1 John 29 states that "Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness". As a nation we are in the dark, we need to rise up and encourage each other to love. To discourage racism.
To encourage "One Nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all".
Greg asks in his blog for his readers to either point people to his blog or to blog yourself to help increase awareness of this issue to the blogging community. I ask my readers to do the same. Please help get the word out about the need for this sort of behavior to be eliminated.
(Martin Luther King Jr. - "I Have a Dream" Speech)
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Current Music: Billy Joel, "Only the Good Die Young"
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