Monday, October 22, 2007

He Knows What's Best

Since I've renewed my faith, I've began to be more aware of the times when God is working in my life. This weekend was one of those times.

Ever since my grandmother had passed a week and a half ago, I hadn't really been myself and Steve can attest to this. The first few days afterwards I was lashing out on Steve for really no reason at all, and sometimes I would cry, and then I withdrew. Two days in a row I overslept past 8:00 AM and didn't get to work until 9:30 AM. I did not feel up to going to the gym or exercising. I barely blogged last week. I didn't want to talk on the phone to much of anyone and felt myself forcing conversation when it rang (unless it was family, and even then I kept it short). My sister got her license, I still haven't called her to say congrats (I'll be doing that today, or at least mailing her a card). I didn't want to do much outside of the house and didn't think I wanted social interactions; in fact, last weekend for the S&B Steve asked me if I wanted to cancel because my emotions were all over the map - I was glad I didn't because the hours with girls and crocheting were theraputic, but a brief moment flashed when I almost said "yes". Those of you who know me know - that's not like me at all.

This weekend, God decided that opportunities would abound for me to be social. Earlier last week I had been emailing with our friend Priscila about when we could get together with her and her husband Nathan, and we ended up going over to their place on Friday night and having a great time just over dinner and games. Then, when I thought I would be able to not be social on Saturday, our friend Kimberly IM'ed me and we ended up having a great night out with her and her husband Dan in Manchester just going out to dinner and doing some shopping. Sunday afternoon I went to a Ladies' afternoon tea in Braintree at Kiki's house and had a great time then as well. By the time I got home, I was feeling more like myself again. I even stayed up to watch the last half of the Red Sox game last night.

Sometimes, when you think that you want to go in one direction, God knows what's best for you and turns you where you need to be. I'm feeling better today than I have in two weeks, I'm going to the gym after work, and I actually have motivation to do WORK at work today (something I haven't had in a while). I'm grateful for my turn-around and I'm glad I'm feeling more like me. I'm grateful for the wonderful friends I've been blessed with who have surrounded me in the last few weeks. I'm grateful for my family who have been calling to check in on me - especially my mom who called me almost every day last week. I'm grateful for my husband, who has been my punching bag and my grounding force over the last week. He's been saying the right things at the right times and been available for unlimited hugs as needed.

Which reminds me... Saturday he and I went over to the condo just to run water (and I grabbed yarn) and make sure no one had broken in the place. While we were there and looking around at his grandmother's stuff, he said something that made total sense to me and I've been keeping it in my head. We lost his grandmother about a year and a half ago now, and he lost his grandfather 6 years ago I believe. As we sat in the office and looked at his grandmother's stuff, he said:

"You know what it really is. You never stop missing them; it just stops hurting."

I know that might not seem much, but those words really helped me to put a lot in perspective. I think that those two sentences were a huge help in what got me closer to being myself again this weekend.


I hope you all had wonderful weekends and got an opportunity to enjoy the weather we had!
Current Music: The Jets, "The Same Love"


Kimberly Pye said...

I'm glad you're feeling better!

Is it weird that I'm thrilled that you put a semicolon in there and called it two sentences? Really, it gives me butterflies. :-P

Danielle A. said...

I think if it were anyone else I'd say yes. Since it's you, I don't think it's weird at all. :)

Mags said...

I am always amazed by this:

"He knows what's best for you and turns you where you need to be."

And I don't know why I never seem to remember that when I'm in the middle of it all-I guess that's part of being human.

I'm glad you're smiles coming back and you're more motivated.

But...I guess that means my email buddy is gone! Stupid work. ;)